Ugh, the dreaded "P" word. How often, as a kid, do we hear that word
and hate the teacher or coach for saying it? As a piano teacher, I
have said it many times, and as a parent many more. Most of the time I
get the same reaction I gave when I was a kid, namely the slump of
shoulders accompanied by an eye-roll. Why? Why do we hate it so much?
For me, it is the fear of the upcoming performance.
I
often put too much pressure on my practice times. When I am learning a
new piece of music because someone needs me to accompany them or perform
for some event, I feel the weight of the performance and it can
overshadow any enjoyment I may get from the experience. Maybe my
imagination is too vivid because I can feel the emotion of being in
front of the audience just as strong in my home, with no one around, as I
do when actually performing. Contrast this to when I am just playing to
play or learning a new piece just because I want to. At these times
there is freedom and if I make a mistake, I try again and move on.
Often these practice sessions feel more like prayer time. As I make
music, I let go of myself and I can feel a bond with eternity and there
is joy.
I think this joy is what George Leonard is referring to in his book, Mastery: the Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment when he says:
"Practice,
the path of mastery, exists only in the present. . . To love the
plateau is to love the eternal now, to enjoy the inevitable spurts of
progress and the fruits of accomplishment, then serenely to accept the
new plateau that waits just beyond them. To love the plateau is to love
what is most essential and enduring in your life."
We
can apply this to all aspects of our life, not just music or sports.
Practicing my religion is one of the areas I can really apply this. I
am not a perfect Christian and will likely never be one, but I am better
at it than I was last year, and I can be better tomorrow than I am
today. The Lord does not put pressure on me, only I do that to myself.
He celebrates my improvement and challenges me to keep going, but never
belittles when I fail. He is the perfect coach. I will work at being a
better student of Him. I am looking forward to the practice.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Gifts and Something to Work On
The introspection of the last few weeks coupled with
discussion of my personal character with friends and family (as per an assignment
regarding my ability as an entrepreneur or manager) has caused me to think more
about the gifts my Father in Heaven has given me and what I am doing with
them. Most especially, my ability as a
public speaker and teacher. I have come
to a new realization that this ability is a spiritual gift. I admit it isn’t one I have ever heard before
on any list in relation to gifts of the spirit, but I don’t think that makes it
unqualified as a gift.
and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.
I also ran upon this verse during my studies.
and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal . .
.
With this new understanding, I am wondering what to do with
it. I have been a teacher several times
as a church calling and I always except the call to speak in a sacrament
meeting, but is this enough? Is there
something I can do in my life to use it better in building the Kingdom of
God? Or to build my community? How is my study of business going to make me
better able to use this gift? How do I
use this gift in the business world? Is
it needed there? Is it profitable? What is the message I would share?
With this ability also comes a level of confidence, or perceived
confidence by others. This confidence
can make me unapproachable. One friend
said it was in much the same way a shy person is perceived as being a snob. No one came out and said it, but it would
seem I have an arrogance about me and it can rub people the wrong way. I am glad they shared this with me, because I
wouldn’t want to purposely make someone feel they couldn’t talk to me about an
issue. I need to work on being able to
get my point across while still enabling others to share their view too.
I love the Proverbs 31 woman and strive to be like her. Verse 26 reads
She openeth her mouth with wisdom;
And in her tongue is the law of kindness.
I think I can be both confident and kind. To find the balance will make my confidence a
success trait instead of a stumbling block.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Life's Many Missions
I am supposed to find a mission for my life,
but what does that mean? Is a life mission one big event? Have I
missed it? Is it still waiting for me? How will I know it when I see
it? What if I find it but I am unable to complete it?
What is my mission in life?
The canned primary answer just slips off the tongue. We are sent to Earth to have a mortal experience with a body
and learn to be more like our Father in Heaven. While this may be true in the most general sense,
the mission of a specific individual is much harder to define.
The most obvious one for me is: It is my mission to be the mother of my
particular children. This has been the
biggest one I have found so far. But
there are also many small missions which are easily overlooked. These are the little acts we do for others as
we live our lives. Who know but that
time you showed kindness to someone was a job only you could do. I believe the Lord has us in situations to do
His work for him. He inspires us to
action for the benefit of His children.
Sometimes we can feel like we don’t have a mission because
we are not part of something grand. We
feel small and useless, but the accumulation of mini-missions can add up to a
lifetime of service, glorifying not only ourselves, but God as well. Isn't this what makes a life well lived?
Doctrine and Covenants Section 58: 27 reads:
"Verily
i say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many
things of their own free will,and bring to pass much righteousness."
Most of the time, when we feel mission-less,
it is because we have turned our thoughts inward to ourselves. When we reach out, we find missions every
day. This mortal experience is about
finding those missions and completing them well.
I also like the next verse. 28:
"For the power is in them . . ."
The
power to find and complete our missions is in us as we follow the
teachings of the Savior and listen to the guidance of the spirit. This
is comforting. I am certain there have been opportunities to serve in
mini-missions which I have missed, but that also means I have many more
to look forward to.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Ethicst Statement
I am an L.D.S. Woman.
In all things, I will strive to build upon my understanding
and my relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ. Each choice and action, even the most
mundane, will be willingly and conscientiously directed toward him. This attitude will allow me to grow and
develop characteristics which reflect my commitment to covenants I have
made. Some of these characteristics
include faithfulness, loyalty dependability, industriousness, peacefulness,
preparedness and being service minded.
I have heard someone mention that whatever we do, do it as
if doing it unto the Lord. This attitude
has been something I have worked to develop within myself for many years. It has helped me become a better mother in
ways I never would have seen before.
Often the chores of motherhood are mundane to say the least and I fail
to find joy in my tasks. When I remember
this simple attitude even the smallest chores like folding socks becomes a
joyful action celebrating my place and those I love the most.
I believe this same attitude carries over to other areas of
my life, from callings, to paying my bills, and to my relationships with my
family and those I come into contact with in the community. I also believe it will carry with me as I
re-enter the workforce. If all I do is
directed to the Lord, then there is no need to cheat, anger or make life
difficult for another. With every choice I am forced to ponder the question of
if I would perform the same way if I was actually doing it for, or to, the
Lord.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
The Bucket List
One of the assignments for this week was to write a “Bucket
List”; 50 things we want to accomplish before we die. I found this rather difficult, not because I
have no aspirations, but because I have accomplished so much already and I
thought it would be cheating to include those things on my list. Some may think this is absurd, a stay-at-home
mom in her mid 40’s, who feels accomplished, but I really feel this way. Trust me. I have had my fair share and then
some of run-ins with people who think my choosing to stay home is evidence of
my lack of ability in the world. Some
think my intelligence to be inversely proportionate to the number of children I
am raising. (I will include one little story about that at the bottom because
it has nothing to do with this assignment.) I even see this attitude in reading
assignments for my classes and from some classmates, although, I am sure my
fellow students have not done this purposely. This attitude doesn’t usually
bother me much, because the people who feel this way are the ones who don’t
know me. I know I am intelligent and capable and I became Mom on purpose. I
understand the honor and responsibility of the position. I am confident in the
eternal perspective given me by testimony in the gospel. Lately, it has bothered me, a lot.
The problem is that this attitude is coming from me. I am
feeling intimidated by reading of the start-up of Yahoo! and other giants of
business. I think, “Who am I to go out
there thinking I can do these things?” But, in the reading for this week I ran across
one simple sentence I really appreciate.
In the book “The Start-up of You,” by Reid Hoffman, cofounder and chairman
of LinkedIn and Ben Cosnocha, was this little gem.
“You can carve out a …
niche in the job market by making choices that make you different from the
smart people around you.”
These authors assume I am smart and automatically put me in
that group. I should too. They think my life experience is worth something. I
should too. I may not be interested in
starting a company and making it into something like Yahoo! or LinkedIn or any
of those other companies out there, but my ideas and dreams do have value and
not just at home.
**********************************************************************************
A little anecdote about being rude.
I volunteer with my local emergency management office where
I participate in community response to emergencies. During one particular exercise I met several
FBI officers who were assigned to my area of the command post. As the day opened we introduced ourselves and
because they all knew each other already, they began to ask me questions. How long had I been working in Emergency
Management? What other events had I been
part of? Many people who are part of
response, are really from other agencies like fire or public health. Because of this, they asked what my usual day
job was. You could have heard a pin drop
when I answered, “I am a mom expecting baby number 4 in two weeks.” They literally turned their backs making conversation between themselves, never saying anything more to me. I went to work fulfilling my responsibility.
During a break in activity their boss, the Regional FBI
director who happened to be a former member of my stake presidency, walked into the room and
searched the faces looking for someone.
His gaze landed on me and his face lit up. He walked right to me and shook my hand. “Jennifer!
It’s great to see you. How are
the kids?” We continued to have a
conversation for a while catching up on life, then he asked if I had seen the
person he was looking for. After giving
him direction on where he could find him he left without saying a single word
to any of the officers there. I turned
back to the room to find all of them staring at me with their mouths agape and
they fell all over themselves trying to figure out who I really was and how I
knew their boss. I think I took too much
pleasure at their discomfort, because it was obvious they felt badly for the
way they had treated me. I still laugh
about it. Perhaps I should repent for
that!
Beginnings
Most of the time I love a new beginning. The excitement of what lies ahead propels me on my way. This time is different. I am struggling with the start, because I can't see the path. It is difficult to start a journey if you don't know where you going. Currently, faith is what is pushing me forward. It is pushing me to the next class, the next assignment, the next thing to learn that I didn't know I needed to learn. This not seeing the next step until I am there is new and uncomfortable for me.
How I got in this position.
I have always been a learner, a doer, and adventurer. If there was something I wanted to do, I set myself to learning and practiced new skills until I could do it. Being an LDS woman allowed me the freedom to explore what ever caught my fancy, but I have always felt the desire to finish my college education. When the Pathway program opened in my stake, I knew the time was right so I jumped in. I thought I would finish school in the same direction I started. I love people and places, language and literature so I thought I would be able to continue on the humanities path I started as a teenager. I was wrong. I tried and tried to work out a program that would keep me in the humanities field of study but I could never get it to work. I never wanted to consider anything in business. The more I tried to work out a plan, the more the idea of looking at the business school would come to mind. I continually pushed it away. Finally in frustration and desperation I looked into studying business. It fell perfectly into place. I was humbled. I should have been listening to the guidance the spirit was trying to give me, but, I am stubborn. So, I put my faith in the Lord and the way he was leading me and started my business studies.
It isn't easy for me. It has been hard so far. In classes that say I should spend 12-15 hours a week in study, I spend at least 20. I am not afraid of work, it has value and I understand it, but usually I can envision the end result of my work. At the moment, I cant see the end other than finishing something I started a long time ago. I don't know why the Lord has me here, I only know this is where He wants me.
What I am doing about it.
I keep doing my assignments, I keep signing up for more classes. I keep going. I keep trusting.
I am trusting that as I develop a knew mind set and new skill sets that the path will open up and I will be able to see. Until then, I cannot sit still and I wont. I am proud of the things I have already learned and I am looking forward to learning more.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Inside My Head
Some of the thoughts in my head while I run with friends…
Shoes, check, keys check, got to get there. Don’t make them wait. Motivation high.
Keys stashed.
Note to self…remember where you stashed your keys! Let’s go.
Start moving, yes! This is going to be a great day.
Earbud secured, best song ever.
Good thing too, everyone is quiet today.
…ugh…what was I thinking? Stop
it, the first mile is always the worst.
No really, what was I
thinking? That it will be worth it, keep
going.
Susie tells the funniest stories about her kids. How many times has that
happened at our house? Family life, gotta love it. Laughter feels good…laugh, keep breathing.
1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4 It’s
gotten too quiet, I am counting off the pace.
I am more intelligent than that…think about something. “Chartless by Emily Dickenson, I never saw the moor, I never saw the sea…”
I wonder if Annie knows that what she said is insightful and profound, and Sally’s
answer is equally beautiful; both comments reflect testimony. Incredible women, strong women.
Note to self…discuss with daughters all the things I love about
these friends.
Keep the pace, stretch it out.
Do it.
Unscientific observational experiment. Who is more likely to scoot over for us, male drivers, or female?
So far, the men have it, and they slow down too. ... Is that because they want a better view?...
Note to self...add the lingerie department to your list of errands, and buy that expensive industrial strength bra you were looking at!
Falling behind…
No, that’s a lie. Truth is…not
quitting, motivation, determination, do it, breathe, keep moving.
Breathe.
Note to self…park at the bottom and do the hills first.
Looking at friends. Easy view
from here. Wow, Sally has amazing
calves. Wish I could look like her.
Wait, stop that! Name something,
anything. Eyelashes. I have naturally curled eyelashes and deep
brown eyes.
Skip ahead on playlist to “Brown Eyed Girl”
Na na na na na na na na nanana ne-na! “Dance running”, it looks silly,
but feels so good! There are benefits to
being at the back of the pack!
Hey wow, I can see the end. 3
more street lights… 4 more mailboxes, 3, 2, 1…
Ah, did it. I am strong, I am
beautiful... Laughing…laughing.
Stronger, I am getting stronger. I beat my time. (Seconds count, right?)
Make plans for the next run, and lunch on Thursday.
Successful.
Note to self…I am strong, I am fit, I am capable
… I am urgently in need of a shower!
Motivation high. This is a great
day!
My thoughts while walking on the tread mill...
... ...,
... ... ...,
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Running with friends is much more fun than this.
... ... ...
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