Now is a time for “lasts”. I knew this time was coming. I planned for it, prepared for it, expected it. Yet, here I sit, rocked by the emotion of it. This week has been full of them; the last home soccer game, the last orthodontist appointment, the last Homecoming. Before this week was the last first day of school, the last to be given the freedom of a driver’s license, the last first date, the last first time wearing high heels. They have been great times and I committed myself to enjoy all the “lasts” that this last child is experiencing this year. June is coming and I want to experience and remember them all. I have to admit, I have shed some tears, but the big, bold, hot, ugly-cry tears are not for these lasts because they are only some I know about. My tears are for the lasts which have passed, but I didn’t recognize.
When was the last time I braided her hair? When was the last time I read her a story in bed? When was the last time I helped her tie her shoes? When was the last time we made a fairy house together? When was the last time I bounced her high on the trampoline and caught her in my arms? My tears are not just for the lasts I don’t remember with her, but also for those with her older siblings. When was the last time I danced in the kitchen with the oldest? When was the last time I brushed bangs away from the eyes of my second? When was the last time my third dressed up to perform a story she had just written? When was the last time my fourth hugged me by wrapping his arms around my knees? When was the last time we were all working in the garden together? When was the last time I was up in the night rocking one of these little ones back to sleep after a dream or much needed glass of water? When was the last time someone started giggling during family prayer and we all ended up laughing together?
There are lasts still coming at us. The last 18th birthday party is in a couple of months. There is the last basketball season, the last track meet, the last speech as Senior Class President to be delivered at the last graduation. She will be my last to leave home.
Don’t get me wrong, I love having a front row seat watching her experience these lasts. I love seeing the amazing woman my girl is growing into. My experience seeing older children grow into adults gives me hope because while these lasts are happening and the time is passing quickly, it only means there are more firsts in store. I am looking forward to those firsts; the first apartment away from home, the first real-world job, the first time I meet the love of her life, the first time she has a child of her own. There are many firsts to come, but these are only some I know about.
