Sunday, January 18, 2015
Most of the time I love a new beginning. The excitement of what lies ahead propels me on my way. This time is different. I am struggling with the start, because I can't see the path. It is difficult to start a journey if you don't know where you going. Currently, faith is what is pushing me forward. It is pushing me to the next class, the next assignment, the next thing to learn that I didn't know I needed to learn. This not seeing the next step until I am there is new and uncomfortable for me.
How I got in this position.
I have always been a learner, a doer, and adventurer. If there was something I wanted to do, I set myself to learning and practiced new skills until I could do it. Being an LDS woman allowed me the freedom to explore what ever caught my fancy, but I have always felt the desire to finish my college education. When the Pathway program opened in my stake, I knew the time was right so I jumped in. I thought I would finish school in the same direction I started. I love people and places, language and literature so I thought I would be able to continue on the humanities path I started as a teenager. I was wrong. I tried and tried to work out a program that would keep me in the humanities field of study but I could never get it to work. I never wanted to consider anything in business. The more I tried to work out a plan, the more the idea of looking at the business school would come to mind. I continually pushed it away. Finally in frustration and desperation I looked into studying business. It fell perfectly into place. I was humbled. I should have been listening to the guidance the spirit was trying to give me, but, I am stubborn. So, I put my faith in the Lord and the way he was leading me and started my business studies.
It isn't easy for me. It has been hard so far. In classes that say I should spend 12-15 hours a week in study, I spend at least 20. I am not afraid of work, it has value and I understand it, but usually I can envision the end result of my work. At the moment, I cant see the end other than finishing something I started a long time ago. I don't know why the Lord has me here, I only know this is where He wants me.
What I am doing about it.
I keep doing my assignments, I keep signing up for more classes. I keep going. I keep trusting.
I am trusting that as I develop a knew mind set and new skill sets that the path will open up and I will be able to see. Until then, I cannot sit still and I wont. I am proud of the things I have already learned and I am looking forward to learning more.